A Name and A Face
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Jussi-Mikko's LiveJournal:
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| Wednesday, November 14th, 2007 | | 1:27 am |
[I am not the real Juska Salminen, merely a fan with great respect for his work. This is all part of a GAME ]
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| Monday, February 14th, 2005 | | 1:44 am |
Gosh, where does time go? I'll tell you. It's sucked up by rehearsals and album work. Soon we will have something to show for it. Other than sweat and sore body parts that is. Tour dates have been posted on our website, which has also had a nice overhaul and a new layout is being used.
( Come and see us some time )
Our new single, Little Deaths, will be released in Finland on February 17th. If you want to hear a little bit of it then right click save here We put up some new promo pics as well on the site, and I'm sure everybody will be happy to see I still have the skirt.
( Stare and Enjoy ) Disclaimer
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| Wednesday, January 12th, 2005 | | 10:26 am |
It's rather sad that I come back just as Lauri decides to leave. Shame. I made an appearance at Mige's birthday party per his request and have just finally found the desire to write in this thing. The party was..interesting. I can say that much. Yet also completely predictable. I think there needs to be new games thought up because the ones you play now are getting old. I may keep this up, I may not. I haven't decided yet. We shall see how inspired I feel. We have a new album and tour coming up in March so I'm constantly busy rehearsing and getting everything done for that. I am lucky if I get a few hours sleep here and there. I did however, find some lovely new pictures of myself to grace you with. The number is still the same Just Juska
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| Monday, September 20th, 2004 | | 1:41 am |
Emo maybe
Jani has decided to close his journal which has thrown me for a bit of a loop. It shouldn't, I was the one who said we needed time apart after all, but now I wonder if I made the right decision. And at the moment I guess I won't be able to find out for sure. The whole point of...this...was my fear of losing him to somebody else. And in the end I was the one that pushed him away. I guess it's true that all relationships eventually dissintegrate and fall apart. No matter how much you want them to work out. It makes me think back to the night Lauri and I spent in my room, drinking, musing, rambling. Relationships. Yay or Nay? It's hard to see the positive in them lately. I could throw blame around but there's no point. In the end I made the decisions I did. I have to live with that. I just realized it's my birthday in six days. I'm so not in the mood to celebrate although getting drunk and passing out sounds like fun. Current Mood:  guilty Disclaimer
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| Thursday, September 2nd, 2004 | | 1:35 pm |
The swelling in my jaw has mostly gone down. The bruising is fading away. Physical pain heals much faster then emotional. I take my lumps when I deserve them. And I deserved this. I don't know why I've been doing the things I do. My mind seems to be on autopilot and it's as if I'm on the outside watching somebody else control me. Reading Jani's post made what I thought was the right thing, feel so horribly wrong. All that's left is to immerse myself in recording and hope it distracts me well enough for now.
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| Monday, August 30th, 2004 | | 12:11 am |
The UK was a blast but now I need a rest. And soon recording begins. Went to the Reading festival to see some friends, and I can't say I was happy with the way some of them were treated. Managed to catch a few other bands as well, mingling with the crowds as best I could. At some point Lauri and I got shitfaced in my hotel room. It's nice spending time with an old friend again. Fred will remember to call Wilma. Take that however you feel like. As for the rest of my trip, it's not important. What is important is returning home to Jani for a long overdue talk.
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| Friday, August 27th, 2004 | | 6:00 am |
Mess with fire and you get burned. I've suddenly become a pyromaniac. Current Mood:  flirty
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| Sunday, August 22nd, 2004 | | 9:35 pm |
An update of substance, maybe
It's been awhile since I've written about the band so I thought I'd share a bit more info. We changed the name from Tiaga back to To/Die/For. This happened after we were offered a record deal by Spinefarm Records. Our current lineup is
Jape Perätalo--Vocals, Juppe "J.P." Sutela--guitar, Santtu Lonka--drums, Mika "Alli" Ahtiainen--guitar, Me on keyboards and Jarkko Strandman on bass.
We released Jaded in March of 2003, (Epilogue was released in 2001). Jaded includes a guest appearance by Marco Hietala, current bass player/vocalist for Nightwish. Now we are going to be heading into Sonicimage here in Kouvola soon to record our next album which will be tentatively due out in the beginning of 2005. Wish us luck.
I found a not too recent interview with some pretty pictures here. It inspired me to make a few new icons. When I get around to digging out enough spare change to get a paid account, I'll make some more. I also made a few small changes to my user info page, if anybody cares.
Is it prudent to dial a number, if only to find out nobody will answer?
( A taste for every day of the week )
Current Mood:  satisfied
Current Music: Naked In Front of the Computer, Faith No More Disclaimer
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| Saturday, August 7th, 2004 | | 12:44 am |
gaping wound
Well that was unexpected but slightly ironic. I know I accepted your apology but I'm still digesting it all. I blame myself partly, for not always being around and available. Maybe that's why I gave into you again so easily. It brings back flashes of the past, something I didn't want to go through again. I hope I made the right choice. Current Mood: hurt Disclaimer
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| Monday, July 19th, 2004 | | 5:00 am |
Monologue: An infected curse.
Was anyone else aware that these journals could be so problematic? I’ve found that I can write cascading sonnets of epic proportion, sifted with emotional content surrounding a specific subject, but only when well aware that not a soul will have the opportunity or potential to read a single world. Call it past due, but censored. Footnotes to come at a later date, maybe. I often wonder about the day when I will receive the call from several specific happy voices telling me that the mighty have fallen. The rope once strong has become threadbare and now hangs by a single twine that could snap at any given moment. So I’m curious. Will I laugh? Will I suddenly question why I wasn’t willing to dive devious emotional influence, and wish I had participated in the final battle that won the war? What good may come from what ifs? Expectation pops up out of nowhere, infecting the spirit until doubt replaces expectance and you’re biting your nails wondering if anything will ever be said. There have only been two times in my life when I was left that vulnerable. One is rather well known. The other should be clear to someone. I remember how it felt vividly. The waiting. So how could I put someone through the same time honored battle of inner torment? Is a sorry even acceptable so late after the fact? We wrestle with guilt…but. Anymore, I find that regret isn’t in my vocabulary. Even if I am sorry – what’s done is inevitably done and forgiveness is in your hands. Walking the beaten path until a promising pebble causes a fall of epic proportion… Save your hate for someone more deserving. Someday I will offer suggestions. Disclaimer
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| Sunday, July 18th, 2004 | | 9:21 am |
Jani is off taking some time to himself. Communing with nature and all of that. I completely respect his need for space so I have been using the time to do reflecting of my own. I've also done some self searching on the internet and this is what I found. I have my own fanlisting. Yeah sure it only has four members but it's there! My existence has been validated. Now I need to go make preparations for Jani's return. I promise a real update soon. Current Mood:  tired
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| Tuesday, June 22nd, 2004 | | 9:52 am |
Time passes quickly and he's back in my arms again. The knock at the door sends my heart pounding. His hand at my back, a smile on his lips, it's as if we were never apart. He is home to me. Not only is he back, but we had another lovely visitor as well. Hannah graced us with her presence at the Lost and Found. I do believe we tortured the poor thing with our flirting though. But she handled it well. She promised to come back and join us for dinner some time before her schooling starts. I look forward to that. In the meantime, everything is about him. Reaquainting, reawakening, reaffirming. I promised to play him a new piece I've been working on. Perhaps he would lend that something that had been missing up till now. The ending to my "masterpiece". Or maybe he'll be the only one I ever play it for and after that it will become lost to the ages, a private moment only for the two of us to know. I know I should immerse myself in things around me, but I'm not ready yet. He's all I need. Current Mood:  lethargic
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| Monday, May 17th, 2004 | | 9:04 am |
I've been spending time with my love in the states, watching him wow the americans night after night. He makes me proud. And also nostolgic. Once in awhile I drift away to a time when I stood where he does. Obviously not in these cities but, at concerts halls the same. Some days he's exhausted beyond belief, barely moving out of bed, sore and cranky. I do my best to comfort him, offering relief in the ways I can give it. But always when he's on stage, he makes himself appear as if he's as happy as can be and nothing is bothering him. My little soldier, marching ever on. It's funny, I meant to only stay a few days, but those days have turned into the last couple of weeks. I feel like a nomad, but that doesn't bother me. Waking up in his arms is all that has mattered. I keep my distance, stay out of the way of band matters and all has been going well. Soon I will return home, and back to my normal routine. My keyboard awaits, songs to be practiced, band stuff to be dealt with. But right now, is his time to shine. Current Mood: happy
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| Friday, April 16th, 2004 | | 12:29 am |
I really need to stop neglecting this thing. I suppose you all want a nice little report about what I have been up to, right? That is why you read this thing. Well, those of you that still pay attention to it. Bam and I went out for drinks a few days ago which was quite nice. The conversation was light, the jager flowing and for a few moments I thought the poor boy might bolt if I made any sudden moves. But he didn't, rather, he seemed to enjoy the moves I made. Such a dear thing. Shame he had to go so soon. But I think he got what he wanted. Spent some quality time with Hannah and met her friend Miss Fiona Apple. If you've never had the chance to hang out with these two I suggest you do it. They are quite entertaining. I know I'll never look at Salmiakki the same way again. That's for sure. And now for the grand finale. Up until recently I was spending some time in Germany with a lovely man. We spent those days talking and enjoying each other, getting close again. The end result is that I now have a wonderful boyfriend. Dating again wasn't something I really thought about until recently. We all go through bad experiences and some of us take longer to get over them than others. That, and I was enjoying my freedom as a single man. But I am quite happy with this situation. I've missed being a part of something, with someone. Sadly, I had to leave almost as quick as we came to that decision. Jani, I will see you again soon, promise. For the moment my concentration is directed towards my music and work. Or at least that's where I am attempting to focus it. No worries if I disappear for awhile, I've only gotten lost in my work or my new found happiness. Current Mood: creative
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| Friday, March 26th, 2004 | | 6:52 am |
I ventured out into the land of the living today. Or rather, got onto aim to talk to people. I was welcomed into a chat and caught up with an old friend or two. Hannah will be stopping by sometime this afternoon, so as soon as I finish my morning coffee I better make sure I don't have any underwear lying around or anything. It's always nice to have a little female company once in awhile, I've gotten used to spending most of my time with Miikka and some of the other guys. Next week, when he arrives back in Finland, I have plans to take an interesting young man out for drinks and conversation. If anything else happens, so be it. Current Mood: busy
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| Monday, March 1st, 2004 | | 3:55 am |
I struggled to light my fag and suddenly realized my hands were trembling. It's not often somebody can affect me enough to cause such a reaction. He's the ache that doesn't fade. Seeing him again reminded me of that. An addiction I am helpless to shake. Sweat glistened on his skin as he stared up at me, eyes glazed over, lopsided grin affixed on his face. So tasty. So pretty. So intoxicating. I keep going back for more, taking more than my share. Greedy. Lustful. Overwhelmed. I lose myself inside of him again and again, not wanting to find my way back out. How can something that feels so right, be so wrong? He'll leave again soon. Will his eyes still call out to me when we meet again? Will he think of me, dream of me, call out my name in his slumber? No matter if he does or doesn't. Hearing my name fall from his lips, like the sweetest of honey, as his body writhes beneath me...is enough to satisfy my cravings, to tame the savage beast of desire inside of me, until the next time we meet. It's not often I put on a show. But I must admit, this was a damn good one. Current Mood: content
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| Saturday, February 14th, 2004 | | 8:51 pm |
What do you do when you wake up in tangled sheets, curled around someone you never expected to be? Seeing him actually smile was amazing and yet...I'm so confused right now. Maybe I should just stop thinking and enjoy myself for awhile. Current Mood:  confused
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| Friday, January 30th, 2004 | | 4:55 am |
I've tried writing this update numerous times now. Everytime I get down a few sentences, I end up deleting them and walking away. How do you find the words when you're not sure they even exist? I've yet to pack my bags, but there's no point in doing so until I get word from him. I don't mean to put any pressure on him. That's the last thing I want to do. Why am I getting a bad feeling about all of this? I've been attempting to get ahold of Miikka but he hasn't been answering his phone. Or possibly he's still avoiding me. Either way that's not good. Maybe if I show up on his doorstep he will talk to me. We really need to straighten some things out. I've been putting this off for far too long. Current Mood: tired
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| Sunday, January 11th, 2004 | | 6:25 pm |
Fill in your own subject line here
Jesse returned to New York awhile ago so the flat is once again quiet and lonely. It was nice while he was here and I'm glad he was able to visit. It's weird when you start having feelings for somebody you've known for a while. When you go from looking at them like a friend to suddenly seeing them in a new light. But what do you do when they are like a wild rose that doesn't wish to be tamed? If you pluck it to take home and enjoy, it will eventually whither and die. We've talked and attempted to define what we share. But it is hard to put a definition to something that wishes none. We finally decided to see each other officially, yet also see others as well. Take it slow and simple. Am I doing the right thing? I miss him. Current Mood: bored Disclaimer
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| Wednesday, December 31st, 2003 | | 3:25 am |
Jani? Why am I still finding your hair around my house? Next time you visit I'm going to make you wear a hairnet I swear! Current Mood: amused
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